Suicide is currently one of the UK's greatest and preventable cause of the loss of life:
- In 2017 there were 6,213 suicides in the UK and Republic of Ireland.
- 5,821 suicides were registered in the UK and 392 occurred in the Republic of Ireland.
- In the UK men remain three times as likely to take their own lives than women, and in the Republic of Ireland four times more likely.
- The highest suicide rate in the UK was for men aged 45-49.
- The highest suicide rate in the Republic of Ireland was for men aged 25–34 (with an almost identical rate for men aged 45–54).
The figures are stark and shocking, but do they actually mean anything to us, or focus our attention on the fact that
the life of a woman, man, or child has been lost?
On reading the statistics, can we really empathise with the fears and pain that takes a person to the depths of despair, so much so that the natural instinct of survival we all have inside of us; can be overidden by the feelings of helplessness, despair and anxiety to the point of taking our own life as the only way out?
More importantly, just who are the human beings behind the statistics?
This is Phil Sheard’s Story:
The Life, The Loves, And The Passing Of A Postman And A Family Man
Phil was born in Heswall on the Wirral on the 11th of April 1964.
He was the eldest son to Renee and Geoffrey, and eldest brother to Martin, Debbie, Alison and youngest sister Clare.
During Phil's childhood he was always out playing with his siblings and friends, spending time enjoying swimming, helping his grandad on his allotment picking rhubarb and tomatoes, and always attended Sunday school at the local church with his nan and siblings.
Phil was the typical young lad enjoying the outdoors, and having family holidays to the Lake District and Wales.
At school his was very talented at subjects, especially art which he really enjoyed, even up to recently he still liked to draw, he had a creative side to him including his handwriting was flamboyant and very particular to detail.
He grew up in a house full of music and full of many genres! Phil was into his rock and loved listening to his favourite band Rush, The Police and U2 to name a few in his teenage years.. and always be wearing 'Trog oil' which was a very strong scent and would fill the family home with its aroma!! and enjoying strumming on his acoustic guitar and singing away!
He joined the Cadet's with his brother Martin, which was a very proud moment for him and his mum and dad.
Phil started his working life as a local paper boy, then went onto work as a shoe repairer in West Kirby, then went to work for Northern contract services as a concrete repairer which was a very physical job, were he spent many years there and enjoyed it very much, he would always have a laugh with the lads he worked alongside.
Phil was an extremely physically fit guy he would always be up at 5am and have a morning run before work, and go for a swim after work or go to the local gym to do weights, he loved keeping fit it was important to him.
As time went on Phil started to develop neck problems and this began to have an effect on him both physically and mentally. after numerous trips to his GP and tried to seek help from a chiropractor. due to the problem, he felt very self-aware and anxious thinking people were looking at him, and trying his hardest to find the answers to what the problem was with his neck.
After a very long time and a struggle to find the answers and the help he desperately wanted, he was finally diagnosed with Dystonia. This condition was very difficult for him to cope with at times with and with his wellbeing, with him being such a physically fit man and dealing with everyday life and the possibility of effecting the heavy job he had. Finally, he then he was referred to the hospital for regular injections into his neck to help with his condition, and gained relief from this so he could continue with living his life as normal as possible.
Phil met and married to his wife, in 1994 and had four wonderful children over the years, who he adored, during this time Phil began working for Royal Mail as a postman in 2000. During the time with his wife they decided to pack up and move to Spain for a while so Phil could renovate a house which he worked very hard on, and was extremely proud of what he achieved and spoke of his achievements to family and friends.
After some time living in Spain which he loved, they decided to move back to the UK as there was a baby on the way.
Phil then returned to work for the Royal Mail as his role as a postman, in which he was very well liked by all his colleagues and the customers he delivered mail to. He loved his job and was very reliable never having any time off work to support his wife and children.
Unfortunately, after a long-term relationship and marriage with his wife, it came to an end in 2015.
This effected Phil greatly and had an extreme emotional impact upon him, and sadly he became very depressed and moved into a flat in New Brighton.
Due to the way he was feeling he sought help from his doctor, who then prescribed him with anti-depressants for depressive disorder.
Phil lived on his own in a bedsit, he saw his children mainly the three of them on a regular basis mainly on Sunday's.
He would enjoy valuable time with his children taking them on days out, swimming and having fun.
During the time living at the bedsit he became friends with a couple of his neighbours who lived in the same house, he would spend time chatting with the men that lived there. One of the men absolutely loved Phil as he himself was having mental health problems at the time, and he says now how Phil helped him and saved him as he had suicidal thoughts. Phil would talk to him a lot and helped him immensely.
Phil was always asking people how they were and making other people happy, but he didn't want anyone to know how he felt and hiding his own feelings and thoughts. He lost weight, He was sleeping a lot due to pain from his neck condition and his depression and of course the breakdown of his marriage. It wasn't easy for him living on his own.
One day his other neighbour persuaded Phil to go on a dating site, and try and get out and find love again, he did join one and eventually found a match with a lady called Ruth. They chatted online for a couple of weeks, then finally met on their first date.
He was nervous as was Ruth, but hit it off right from the start. Ruth said she thinks for her it was love at first sight. They were besotted with each other, and wanting to be together more as time went on. Phil wanted to be in a 'normal' household again and to be with Ruth as much as possible, so they decided to move in together on Christmas Eve in 2017.
They were always laughing and had lovely times together, even though it seems he was self-loathing at times, and said to Ruth he wasn't good enough for her. But she kept telling him otherwise and loved him and cared for him, praising him, and wanting to show him off as he made her happy. They loved each other’s children, both spending time taking Phil's children on days out, and went to Butlins and went to BBQ’s and swimming. Likewise, Phil joined Ruth with her son and his friend on a holiday to Spain in April this year. Phil seemed so happy as he didn't want to come home! He had asked Ruth about marriage and she had agreed.
So, Ruth had thought she had found her prince and her happy ever after.
But all was not well in Phil's mind, As he kept everything from Ruth, his Dystonia, his depressive disorder, his medication he was prescribed. One day Ruth had come across medication whilst cleaning her bathroom and found medication hidden behind the bath, not knowing what the medication was, Ruth then found out that the tablets were anti-depressants, and asked Phil why did he hide them? She told him not to feel bad and not to hide them, and to take medication if it was prescribed to him.
Phil did not really want to talk to Ruth about it, so nothing more was said.
He wanted to be perfect for Ruth, by not telling her the things he should have spoken about, and opened up to her about things he was hiding from her. He was a proud person, and had done so much around the house with decorating and gardening, but also masking his feelings from Ruth, as though he might have been embarrassed about his neck condition (with side effects) and his medication. He must have thought that she would think bad of him and he didn’t want to upset her.
The week before Phil died he made lots of plans with Ruth, they had booked a holiday to Portugal for October 2018, and he had chosen the place and what he wanted. Even the day after Phil had died they were due to go camping and were both so excited about the plans, so much so that Phil went out to buy camping equipment the weekend before, he seemed very excited and was looking forward to it.
Tragically Phil took his own life on the 30th July 2018.
He was found at a place where he grew up and played as a child with his siblings
Ruth will remember 'Phil as a lovely caring gentle man, whom she loved dearly, but she wishes he would have talked to her, and told her about his problems, so she could have helped and supported him.
I always will remember my brother being so funny and kind.
He was my eldest brother, and we always seemed the closest.
He always looked out for me, always made me laugh and singing with him playing on his acoustic guitar when I was little.
Playing pranks on family, joking around, he never changed!
I have so many special memories of him, like washing his old car with our other sister Alison and how he was a great impressionist of famous people, even with their mannerisms and had us all in pleats with laughter!
He would change Lyrics in songs and make them his own, which he was so clever at and very funny indeed!
Those songs have always stayed with me.
My brother was a 'Grafter' always willing to help with jobs of every kind.
After Phil had married, over the years we lost contact until one day in January this year we literally crossed paths, this after roughly 15 years of trying so hard to make contact.
We were finally re-united like a story from 'long lost family'.
This was incredibly emotional for both of us, he was so overwhelmed and the tears of happiness flowed! When we parted I was over the moon to have met my brother after all this time. But I thought to myself, I doubt he will ring me, however thankfully he did the very same day!
Then we had such a great time together catching up on lost time as brother and sister again.
One thing that will always stay with me is that I invited him to a BBQ in the summer. We danced and sang together like old times and I said to him, "I'm so happy you are back in my life again, and please don't ever leave me agai." and Phil just looked at me deeply.
We now had regular contact, Phil would message me nearly everyday and always asked how I was, we both made plans to go to a flower show together, as he really got into gardening and I would give him advice on plants, as we had an interest in the same thing.
On the evening of the 30th July 2018 I received a phone call from his girlfriend Ruth.
A phone call you think you would never ever receive.
I couldn't take it in, I was on another planet, it's not real that 'My Brother Phil' had taken his own life. You never think something like this would happen in your family, and to someone so close.
To me, he never changed after all the years of no contact.
* Still funny.
* Still singing.
* Still asking was I ok??
* Still 'Grafting'
* Still 'My Brother Phil'
Having too suffered with depression in the past myself, I could not see any signs he had any problems. He worked hard, looked after his appearance and was full of pride, however behind his smile, behind making people laugh and being the joker; and asking 'are you ok?'.... My brother was hiding so much hurt, emotions and feelings that he simply didn't show.
I really urge people to please talk to someone if you are feeling low, no matter how big or small you may think it is, there is so much support out there for mental health issues/anxiety/stress and awareness.
Men and women need to open up and not to feel 'stupid' 'silly' or even 'a burden' as you ARE NOT!
But I feel more particularly in men (as like my brother) a proud man will often not want anyone to know about his own problems, and inner feelings, as it’s not a 'manly' thing to do. It is however strong to open up and to have a chat or talk to someone, help is there for you.
You are not silly or a burden. -
You are strong, do not hide it. -
Be kind to yourself and your loved ones.
I have lost 'My Brother' forever. My twin. My best friend.
R.I.P
Phil Sheard
11th April 1964 - 30th July 2018
